Actress Suzanne Shaw, who was also in the band Hear’Say, has been in the news recently talking about the division her father’s will caused in her family. When you make your will, you might have considered the practical elements, but it’s also worth thinking about how your loved ones will feel about the provisions you make. It can be difficult to predict how people will react, so it’s always worth considering how your will could affect your family.

Suzanne Shaw’s story

Suzanne Shaw recently took part in a panel discussion on the ‘Vanessa’ show, which talked about the effect of family members leaving unequal legacies to their children and grandchildren. Her father, Vincent Crowshaw, died in 2012 and left everything to her stepmother. Her brother had received a share of the family business as he’d worked within it. Ms. Shaw said this had created a rift, as she believed everything was supposed to be split between his children. Her stepmother also gave an interview explaining the financial reasons behind the decision, which the rest of the family may not have known about.

We don’t know what was in the will, but it’s clear that Mr. Crowshaw’s will has left hurt feelings in its wake.

Writing a will when you have a blended family

If you’ve remarried or have a blended family with children from previous relationships, remember that your spouse could remarry after you die, or simply change their will. Even if your spouse’s original will provides for your children, that could change after you’re gone, so it’s a good idea to protect your children’s inheritance. You can use trusts to give your spouse lifetime access to your assets and then leave them to your children afterwards. Tax efficiency may play a part in how you plan your estate and what provisions you make in your will, but it’s important to consider the emotional impact.

Consider the emotional impact of your decision

You might leave your entire estate to your spouse because your children are financially settled and don’t need the money, or because you’ve already given them the money they would have inherited during your lifetime. Your children could still feel hurt if they believe they’ve been overlooked. They may not need the cash, but still want to be acknowledged. It can feel particularly hurtful if you’ve been part of a blended family where relationships have changed after a parent’s death.

Suzanne Shaw described feeling that she didn’t feel valued and that it felt like a slap in the face. Your children may be financially secure, but still want to know you’ve thought about them when you make your will. Including sentimental and personal items helps to achieve this.

What matters to your children?

Making provision for your children means more than offering financial support when you’re gone. Thinking about sentimental items is also important. Family relationships can shift after a bereavement, especially in blended families, and having something that belonged to you or one of their grandparents can bring comfort at a stressful time.

Think about what’s important to your children and what sentimental items they value. A client of ours wanted to make sure her children received their grandmother’s jewellery and a piece of furniture that their grandfather had made. It wasn’t because they had monetary value, but because they held special memories. They wanted to ensure they stayed in the family rather than ending up with a step-parent, who might decide to sell them, or who wouldn’t value them in the same way.

Clear communication is key

Whatever you include in your will, clear communication is vital so that everyone knows what to expect. Suzanne Shaw mentioned that what’s fair isn’t always equal, but explaining your thinking can help avoid hurt feelings. Her stepmother’s response shows you can’t always predict how others will feel about your decisions. Talking about your thought process means your loved ones can share their feelings at the time, rather than dealing with them when you’re gone and they’re grieving.

It also lets you talk about sentimental items and include specific legacies if necessary. Part of clear communication could also include writing a letter to your children explaining the thought process behind your will and why you’ve made particular choices.

If you need to make a will or review your existing one, we can help. We’ll guide you through the process and help you make informed decisions about your estate. Get in touch using the form below or call us on 0116 380 0752.